Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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