Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
