Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
