to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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