Say something about gay babies.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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