drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
