I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
