Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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