i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
