Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
