i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
