I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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