I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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