You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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