i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
