dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
