you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
