the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We talked him into tasing himself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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