the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
