if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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