"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
