a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
