cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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