Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
