I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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