i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
