apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
