Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
