honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
