My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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