I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
