Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
