you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
