fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
