All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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