If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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