my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
