I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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