I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
