remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
