was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
