Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
