4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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