why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Vodka?
Forever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
