I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
