yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
