my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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