Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
