Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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