Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
