my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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