...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
